I am contemplating to blog this out but usually if you take too much time musing over some decision, you will most likely end up by not doing it at all.
I read a friend’s blog today on how she get drunk on her birthday( in case you were reading this, please don’t mind!) and so I dropped her a comment which sound like everyone has their very personal and gauche moments on getting drunk on their birthday party, I was not attempting to comfort her but simply because it happened on me before. I lied prone on my bed after close up the firefox tab and hibernated my pc. My body is exhausted but my mind had myriad of pensive thoughts whirling around.. I toss and turn for 5-10 minutes before I sat up and put my laptop into alive again. I know this is going to be a sleepless night but as a matter of ironical fact, I missed the birthday party I had 4 years ago. Something close to the friend’s broken heart, birthday party, drunk and felt extremely embarrassed on the next days after bungled up my party and made a total fool on my birthday eve. But now when I reminiscing back the time, I was swamped by lots of nostalgic detail and missing so dearly and deadly on all the faces who witness the first day of my 24th. Where were them now? Some left and mostly saunter a new life, which is good. Good thing doesn’t fall on you everyday like lottery, and you were lucky if it happened on you, even if it only happens ONCE.
Playing in my head is “is it over now” from Tanya.
I was 23 going to 24 that year when I joined Intel, like most of the fresh graduated trainee coming from various Universities, we were all young, feisty and had infinite energy to exert wantonly, and didn’t see life coming to us with a bundle of pitfall. A week before my birthtday, CM, one of my jimui took up the responsibility as the organizer and planned to throw me an unforgettable birthday party at KL.
On that Saturday, around 15 of us in 3 cars drove down to KL and upon checking into the hotel, we swiftly dolling up in our best outfit and headed off to a pub near bukit bintang. The first club wasn’t fun at all as the music played were in super slow mantra so we adjoined to another club called thai beach club and the band was really good. After throwing in a few cups, we started to loosen up and couldn’t resist but to join the crazy crowd, the live band was playing “its my life” enliven the whole dance floor and everyone is swinging and throwing their hand to the air, enjoying every bits of moment of jumping, shouting and dancing together…and I was happy. But I missed somebody. I never had my birthday without him before ( not counting the years when I was still on my diapers or with my parents oppressive supervision..even one fly also will die in 3 feet distance -_-|||) So in short, that was the first year he didn’t celebrate with me. Sometimes the loneliness will become more intense and apparent when we were in a crowd with all the faces but none of them was the one you wanted to see.

And by 12, I received his message “ happy birthday jia”, My nose started to tickle under the sweaty heat in pub but I hold on..I smile and laughed, hugged and kissed my friends for they were thoughtful to be there for me on that day. Suddenly Kian kok came to me and pull me out from the crowd..and there in front of me, I saw my buddy daniel in a banquet of roses. Daniel lied to me that his grandfather was admitted to the hostpital and he couldn’t make it to KL with us and it thwarted me a bit as I thought as a buddy he should be there for me on my day. I was really touched to see him as I knew he must have had a bumpy journey bussing from penang to KL where as we were comfortably sit in car, but then I started to cry…I started to cry so badly that i perched on the couch with KK pulled a seat beside me and saying lots of words to comfort me though I couldn’t recall any single wise words he said -_-, I just coulnt stop myself from crying and repeatedly playing the voicemail that I kept for a year-_-..And for a moment, I stopped and laughed…and throwing in a few cups and started to cry again..everything was vague to me but I could hear a lot of people trying to comfort me but like before, I couldn’t remember a thing. I vaguely knowing that a few girls hugged and patted on my back and wipe off my tears…but I couldn’t remember much as my eyes was swollen and I started to puke. I totally lost that piece of memories but I remember somebody come up to me and tell me he loves me..lol! confession to a drunk people is simply brilliant as they probably forgot on the next day but too bad, I forgot everything but THAT, pathetically it engraved in my mind.
On my way back to penang from KL, I stared out to the green sight along the roadside and made the pledge that, it is time to let him go, so I press delete on the only voicemail. 2 months after my birthday party, I met a guy and crazily fell in love like before again but it seemingly a betray to some of them perhaps I needed to tell them I wanted to open my heart again as they saw me crying badly at first..….but miracle happens sometimes when you love in the next moment doesn’t mean you never love before. And both loves are real but they just make you felt differently that is all.
Although until today I wish I never meet that second guy before, I die die crossed my heart but in second thought…I should still thank him, without him, I wouldn’t be the one I am today, Stronger and tougher.
In retrospect to the old memories, I was really blessed and still feeling so blessed now with all the faces who wanted to make me happy albeit I wasn’t a really good and ideal friends to everyone after then since I wasn’t a social butterfly after all-______-. But that piece of short clip of memories etched firmly in my memories.
A good 24 indeed with laughter and tears, nothing could be better:)