Wednesday, October 3, 2007


Finally...I have that little time for myself...surfing net and things like was a luxurious thing to do on the past few days....had been working like siao lang for days and nights.....sacrificed all my weekend just to solve the tough bug..and comes to another messy porting task....but i believe...I do believe..things will be better.....=)time to get home be continue...~

Thursday, September 20, 2007

My Buddy

I never like this buddy of mine...nor dislike her. It is all about work when thinking of her...the way she talked, the way she forced people to follow her way, her expectation, her speculation, her own senseless or even the ridiculous judgement sometimes which i am lazy to argue further more with her but to give in myself to her....but after today, when I know she will be leaving for Good and there would be a slim chance for me to see her back, to hear all her lecture like a small children...I feel lost.
The first impression to hear her good news was a misture of shocked and anxious....happy for her...but after all the emotion kicks in after awhile, sitting on my bench....i feel lonely. Very lonely. It is not Im so close to this buddy of mine, when i first came to intel and she is suppose to guide me, she dumped me alone in PG9(luckily Im a social bug who makes fren with others easily)...she is pretty. That was the first impression i gave her..but other than that...she is like a "man" to me...her autocratical character often makes me scared to talk to her....
she never taught me anything, besides from her long winded advices which would last for hours heart often skipped a beat when she prompt me a "hi" in intel communicator....I oways have that bad feeling when she approached me, but of coz it always turns out to be some sharing....but now thinking back....i feel lucky....I know she never talked heart to heart to many people especially juniors.. but she did that to me..she told me lots of thing about her....even sometimes would apologize to me when she had done something not right..and even told me what she thinks about me and the area that she needs me to improve.... I will keep the last mail that you send to me, buddy....for better or worst, you never been a good buddy to me...but you definitely be a sister to me. Wish you have a happy for me, you know I would oways wish for your best.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A hug..

I am looking for every element that moves my heart again..what is the most wonderful thing that you last did to leave your footprint in one's heart?
I remember the hug from the old man on seattle street when I donate a dolar to reminds me of this life that has no human touch that could make you weep when your heart moves.....i miss the old man's face, the wrinkle hand that reached out to hold me into his arm...a simple word "thank you, daughter" that warms you like a gentle furnace that lit in the middle of autumn night.
Nothing could ever describe the first intimacy touch between 2 strangers...a simple grateful thank you for a dolar?...what can I ask for more, he just reminds me of the fact tat I have just done a good deed...a deed that means so much for him...
I cant recall the beautiful melody that played from his saxophone on that autumn night, nor counting how many maples leaves that falls on his dark blue jacket..but i remember the the most beautiful chandelier that caressing my skin and makes me see the man that stand besides long had I lost myself and feeling grateful again?
I wish I could remember that eyes of wisdom...the sincere smile that taken my words away...and the feeling that knocked my soul....I do felt grateful for the simple happiness....
And I know it will be the first...and the last time I see this old man.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


上不到线,这里的maxis也无法转换到singtel。。我与世隔绝了。。。看了一场足球赛,找了一个不错的地方睡了一阵子,却不停的醒来。。二时许,电视波着一部儿童戏,3 时许,一位陌生的男人睡在距离我不到0.2米以上。。第一次与陌生人睡在一起的感觉很奇妙。。让我想起“神啊,请给我多一点时间”里的深田工子和金城武,一部援助交际而患上爱滋的故事。我的第一部日剧。四时许,我冷醒了。。像一个孤魂野鬼独自一个人走着。。好累。。。好捆。。。走到了一个不太冷的空间,其实就是上网的地方,把三张椅子平排着睡着了。。6时许,被一位来上网的外国伯伯吵醒了。。原来已有好多人围着我上网。。哈!好瘀。。=)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

22/08/07's 特别的事

今天最特别的事应该就是晚餐吧。。与194公分的篮球偶像吃饭,如果不是因为幸运,那就是老天的脑子绣透了,才忙中有错的制造了这个机会。。该说机会吗?嗯。。机会似乎听起来有点肤浅,也可能夹着令人误解的意思,但这算是一个机缘,可以认识一位不错的朋友=)其实心情还蛮复杂的。。因为运动的关系,所以他脸庞的骨被撞裂了。。很心寒呐。。希望红肿的脸不会太疼痛了=(。。那种不方便的滋味,我是可以明白的。。吃饭的不便,睡觉时的不便,穿衣时的不便,不能开怀大笑,不能说得太起劲,不能走得太快,总之不能让脸上的肌肉摇晃,动荡得太厉害,但是乎自己帮不上什么忙,也无法让他开心一点点,分担更别说了。。=(。。两条平行线上的两个人,一个转弯,至少碰面也好,嘘寒问暖也好,深交或檫肩而过。。这种缘分,至少对我来说不会像罐头般有保鲜期。。今晚该好好的祈祷感谢上帝,也衷心的希望这位善良的朋友可以早日康复,没有避忌,没有诫口的吃着他喜爱的salmon sushi,加油了!


Last night was painful.Toss and turn for 3 hours and failed to put myself into sleep...not sure what happen but it just happened. I must say I hate insonmia, especially when you know you need to force yourself to wake up early in the morning the next day.Conciously, I know I have imbued with some thinking, but I couldnt patch them all together. A galore of thoughts but yet, everything looks ambiguos, puzzled and vague.
Close eyes, thinking....opened seems like a vicious cycle. Round and round and round...I sat up, opened my laptop and chatted a bit..but it exacerbated the situation as it kept me awake and ppl just taken drug. I know it is prevalent symptom when you have some thinking in mind, worries and things like that..but not at this moment..pls.
I prayed and hopefully God could forgive me for who I am and dont give me any mind intrusion in the middle of the night..2-3am to be exact.
Today is apparently a panda's day..but what kept me alive is the fact that 11 of the mount kk conquerers are coming back today. Some of them message me right after they reached PG airport and it does make my day as Im remembered. :)...looking forward to see them tomolo and I would surely remember to give some of them a big bear hug!welcome home has been so so so quiet without the laughters, companion in this cold and isolated lab space....even I felt that the coastal highway that I used everyday was less suffered with jam, and the intel carpark becomes so spacious without you guys here...=(..Nothing give me this complacency on seeing the familiar faces tomorrow..dun get me out from the topic when you guys are sharing the experience in kk...but pull me in...I dun mind to be teased for being a coward in you guys conversation.. :) ...

Monday, August 20, 2007


或许让她美丽的不是那个躯壳, 确是一颗你不了解的心。。。



Saturday, August 18, 2007




Friday, August 17, 2007



Saturday, August 11, 2007

expect the unexpected

When you feel like you're leaving this certain period in your life you tend brace yourself for the impact. The impact of something totally uncertain and possibly foreign. You're psyching up yourself to expect the unexpected (i.e. The Worst), you try to futilely make some sort of feeble sense of the little information or knowledge of have of the what's-to-come. You struggle, perhaps. Not the sort of struggle that entails the clashing of fists and all that but maybe the sort of turmoil that happens in the heart and in the mind. Emotions that refuse to be understood. Thoughts that simply cannot rest. I guess biologically, that's how we were built. To be on our toes, to be alert, to be ready. But the question still lingers..."Be ready for what, exactly?" Ahhh, the anxiety and innate curiosity the future brings.
But maybe in that bracing of ourselves for the Unknown, we unconsciously try to take in every single detail, mercilessly try to cheat time to letting us savor the remaining certainty we have. I have many times tried to encapsulate my emotions, tried to hold on to memories, tried to breathe a little slower to take it all in. To take a single flash of a zillion happenings all in a brief moment. Too much to digest. The mind can only take in so much, unfortunately. Thank God, for technology.
Drawing a mental picture, it seems that you try to protect yourself from the looming Unknown but at same time, you render yourself utterly vulnerable by trying to take in everything. Unfiltered. So real. In motion. And there you are in middle of two seemingly opposing forces. And there you lay more perplexed. And that is how I feel. So overwhelmed. Like a tidal wave. That in one swift encompassing motion, stuns me. Drowning. An overkill.
Free of regret.
And in processing everything that's happened, I've come up with fragmented happy pieces. And the giddy emotions and the vivid memory re-makes. But for sure, in my moment of drowning, in that moment of confusion and shock, I've learned to love even more, to give more generously, to live more passionately, to laugh even louder, smile more sincerely, and to hope unrelentingly because on my way to recovering those little bits and pieces, I've become someone I've never thought I could be at this point. More mature perhaps. But definitely, someone braver who'll face the Unknown with the knowlegde that I'm living the way I wanted to be.
In the middle of all this hum-drum, I'm happy I lost myself somewhere.
Tomorrow may be shit. But I've come too far, why stop?