Thursday, September 20, 2007

My Buddy

I never like this buddy of mine...nor dislike her. It is all about work when thinking of her...the way she talked, the way she forced people to follow her way, her expectation, her speculation, her own senseless or even the ridiculous judgement sometimes which i am lazy to argue further more with her but to give in myself to her....but after today, when I know she will be leaving for Good and there would be a slim chance for me to see her back, to hear all her lecture like a small children...I feel lost.
The first impression to hear her good news was a misture of shocked and anxious....happy for her...but after all the emotion kicks in after awhile, sitting on my bench....i feel lonely. Very lonely. It is not Im so close to this buddy of mine, when i first came to intel and she is suppose to guide me, she dumped me alone in PG9(luckily Im a social bug who makes fren with others easily)...she is pretty. That was the first impression i gave her..but other than that...she is like a "man" to me...her autocratical character often makes me scared to talk to her....
she never taught me anything, besides from her long winded advices which would last for hours sometimes....my heart often skipped a beat when she prompt me a "hi" in intel communicator....I oways have that bad feeling when she approached me, but of coz it always turns out to be some sharing....but now thinking back....i feel lucky....I know she never talked heart to heart to many people especially juniors.. but she did that to me..she told me lots of thing about her....even sometimes would apologize to me when she had done something not right..and even told me what she thinks about me and the area that she needs me to improve.... I will keep the last mail that you send to me, buddy....for better or worst, you never been a good buddy to me...but you definitely be a sister to me. Wish you have a happy wedding...as for me, you know I would oways wish for your best.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A hug..

I am looking for every element that moves my heart again..what is the most wonderful thing that you last did to leave your footprint in one's heart?
I remember the hug from the old man on seattle street when I donate a dolar to him...somehow...it reminds me of this life that has no human touch that could make you weep when your heart moves.....i miss the old man's face, the wrinkle hand that reached out to hold me into his arm...a simple word "thank you, daughter" that warms you like a gentle furnace that lit in the middle of autumn night.
Nothing could ever describe the first intimacy touch between 2 strangers...a simple grateful thank you for a dolar?...what can I ask for more, he just reminds me of the fact tat I have just done a good deed...a deed that means so much for him...
I cant recall the beautiful melody that played from his saxophone on that autumn night, nor counting how many maples leaves that falls on his dark blue jacket..but i remember the moonlight...like the most beautiful chandelier that caressing my skin and makes me see the man that stand besides me...how long had I lost myself and feeling grateful again?
I wish I could remember that eyes of wisdom...the sincere smile that taken my words away...and the feeling that knocked my soul....I do felt grateful for the simple happiness....
And I know it will be the first...and the last time I see this old man.