Saturday, May 23, 2009

Random Update on those days

I know I sounded a bit wrathful in my previous post and received many question from my friend on who is that and blah blah. But I am not going to reveal anything here as it is not my stories. But telling out my personal rants and raves is definitely my right, and it doesn’t mean I am such a hateful person. LoL!! To be honest, I don’t think I could ever hate anyone! NEVER. I am not trying to be a saint, but hatred is not something that would stay in me permanently, not even a day…or maybe 2 la. Anyway, people who knows me will never worry that I might commit suicide or died in hatred! :p

Many things happened lately and cluttered my mind like millions of disheveled and tangled string, messy and unruly complicated. Though they might not directly relate to me but they did impact me a lot a lot. I was not doing very much in my new job, but still try to get more stuff to occupy my time. Sometimes when you are adapting yourself to a new working environment, you will tend to be a tad idling. But the good thing is I have given myself more times connecting myself back to my buddies’s current life. I know we have been stayed so far from each other like woon in germany, yang in KL, Leng in Folsom, xiao lei in Australia, jenny in Australia also, Daniel in Thailand and su lin In korea. They move on and so do I. Things changed relatively in time. Over the years, I might loose some close friends who used to stay very close to me but we still called each other almost every month. And this is something special that I undeterredly want to keep it as long as I could.

Life goes on; I couldn’t believe I can’t eliminate this perception from my belfry for a second. It sounds like I am forced to move on with my current life because I have no choice. Maybe it is true. But undoubtedly, Im getting more acquainted to the meaning of life and perhaps learn to see thing in a different angle, the whiny gal that I used to be is gone! Talking about my life, the only thing that I keep myself extremely organized is my house. Maybe this is the only thing that belongs to me, thus the only security I have. Unless I sell it or I refuse to pay the maintenance fee til one day I have a stack of debt to settle and forced to move out. -____-
Anyway, fling aside this subject that i could spend hours and hours to talk about. I still have plenty of times to do things i like. By sheer chance, I got to try out this Japanese/Korean restaurant called 日韩烧 nearby island plaza. Quite an expensive meal comparing to the usual meal I had. I and my friend ordered the ribeye and the mini kimchi steamboat with chicken. Put aside its price, the food was actually quite an impressive one. Each table has a hood attached to the ceiling to suck all the smoke and oil when you BBQ. The beef was incredibly superb and the kimchi is the nicest I had ever tasted before.
Helo mama, I am having an expensive meal now. Got one super nice kimchi in front of me.

I never like kimchi, but honestly, this kimchi is an exceptional case.

Watching American idol on tv..Kris Allen won! OMG..How can that be! I like Kris, well he looks charming, and shy and most probably a modest person. But Adam definitely sang better this time though he always choose some song that is not really in vogue, but he has a super super unique vocal. Anyway, the result is pretty satisfied for me. I love them both and Im gonna buy their pirated album, or maybe download. Long live Pirated!

And my favorite mask time. I bought these wash off masks from skin food some times ago and introduced to my friends since the effect was visible and it suits all the skin type including the sensitive skin like me. And the feedback are good, which is for sure. I put on the rice mask for about 10 minutes and slowly scrub it off to remove my dead skin. Follow by the cucumber gel mask which I stored it inside my fridge since i believe something cool can minimize your pore and I do have big pores! Anyway, this is a hydrating mask that can soothe your dry and tired skin.
Seriously, I always felt great after doing mask, maybe it makes me become slightly brighter for a short while . I dont know. But one thing true is girls should learn to love themselves before others could love you.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I boycott you!

I boycott you for hurting her so much! I have nothing to say to you and even dont want to call you as friend anymore. The only thing you can make it right is stop doing it anymore. I despise you! You dont deserve her at all.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Consciences

I am thinking. I wish there is one moment I aint thinking at all. Stay Still. Not moving constantly with the miraculous changes around me. Perhaps I can simplify things in this stillness.

Things change too brisk even we see its coming, but would you do something to stop it? Or you just need to accept the fact that you have to change yourself because things have changed. Because the only thing you can’t change is turning back time, to that very moment when it changed. Can you? No.

There are happy moments when you wish everything could stop and never turns bad. But you know this is futile. Perhaps things never turn bad but we had seen the best of it and we wish there is a moment it could last. I had those moments when I sat on the bench, watching the passerby and wish the moment to stop; I had that instant of time when I sat in my parents’s car listening to their oldies and heard their titter, wishing the time to stop. I close my eyes, stow the frame inside my mind and felt the moment when last image that I wish to capture retained in a freeze frame. But when I opened my eyes, they became the past.

When you grow older you thought you should be wiser, but when we grow up with our consciences, too many things surged into our mind, tend to make us confused. You thought your eyes is always the most compelling witness above all, but when your heart start to shatter and disbelieving, you started to think, maybe what you see is not something it really is, and you wish to see what lies beneath. And along this way, you lost your ability to trust your consciences. Coz you started to doubt. Coz you lost the trust.

I wish to put my mind in a clean slate and start trusting things can work out if I give it a rejuvenated chance. Even if it failed for the second chance, I should learn to be stern and trust that positive outcome would eventually come. Maybe not now. But one day.

Then I would freeze that moment and make it forever.

Friday, May 15, 2009

monotonous day

Morning was drizzly and chilly, so I decided to work in the lab which is warmer than my fridge-like-cube. At least I am encircled by the huge platform that incessantly dissipating heat here.

Nothing much happen today,monotonous day. So I decided to talk about the new trend recently :)
I asked my friend to buy for me from Taiwan as i can get it cheaper there. The mask was quite good for its price, especially affordable for stingy people like me. Though I never been stingy on buying clothes or skin care stuff, NEVER! :p. frankly, It wasnt that comfortable when putting it, coz it sting like some insect keep digging hole on your face. But i still prefer to think that having reaction is better than none at all. Besides the light irritation,i felt so sticky too,of coz those are the mask essential ingredient that I cannot waste la so I have to spread it on my hand, make sure I squeeze it completely.
See if my face got radiance a bit??:D obviously i have nothing better to do. Would blog on something meaningful next time:)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

200th post

I wanted to blog something when I reached my 100th blog. But I didn’t. I even forgot it was the 100th post after then.

This is my 200th post. It wasn’t like I have something comical to write about but I was so gloomy and so so so grumpy today. I think if I would have to measure from 1-10, the gloominess is like 7 or 7.5.

Cant think of any better reason that makes me feeling so fretted for the whole day, except…except my overdue Big Aunt! When you are having this kind of dysphoria kind of feeling keep stinging at you, you probably just want to grab somebody to scold and release all the vexes. Sad thing was I intended to capture some traces in lab today but ends up freezing in my cube and don’t feel like going anywhere. It was so good if I was a boy! I can even teased the gals when their mood was affected by the stupid Bid Aunt. It was really so stupid to have the unhinged hormones every month.

I have actually drew a conclusion with my friend that, girls basically only have 2 weeks that is normal., normal in emotional basically, not like we are really siao lang but the first week when our Big Aunt visit, it was so effortless to feel fatigue and only wish to stay at home idly, approaching to 2nd week, we slowly become amiable to everyone, even to the stranger also we will wave, and 3rd week..we are normal. But slowly when 4th week is coming, pimples started to pop out from no way and we started to scrutinize everything and finding mistake and if you step on the tail, you probably are the blindness person of all.

Talk about stepping on tail, I have this friend, who stepped on my bloody tail today. You know I was working in my cube and he stopped outside my cube and offered me to eat his rice, so i rejected. Then the next thing he said was very annoying, he said he showed his housemate one of my self taken photo in friendster last night and the housemate said i smiled very fake. What the heck? does he know how to talk to people or not?. But it did make me pissed off. What happen to the guys nowsaday.! And the reason he gave was because the eye is not smiling. You think this is like fairy tale or comic that when you smile, 2 flower will pop out from your eyes or you will lost your eyes or something like that meh?? i tell you, even if i smile like a pig also it is non of your business ok? you please go and mind your own smiling face, be it like you said have to show the wrinkles, eye disappear or whatever bulls**t theory. Maybe if you told me on some other day, i could just smiled at you and ignore you since i think it was worthless for me to care, but today! please use your brain before you said something. I was so regret that i was putting good word for him in front of somebody when she complaints about him.

Really pissed off by this kind of person. I do think they cant survive without gossiping about other people. Please go get yourself a life, would you!!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Bad day

I had a bad day today:(

It was a bad day but it wasn’t like one of those days that make you cried. It was just a day where things weren’t smooth as you wish them to be.

Everything started from this morning. When I vigorously pull myself out from my bed and finally got myself ready for work, my car engine suddenly failed to start. I gave a few attempts but it just gave me engine hauling kind of sound, like something is trudging hard to get the engine started but still failed. I am not good in car, so I don’t know besides from battery and starter, what could possibly go wrong.

So I ran up to my apartment sending a notification mail, telling my team I would be late to office and ran down to my car again. Just when I trotted to the lift along the short stairs, I missed a step on my right foot, flew off my balance and plunge towards the floor …in that 1 seconds before my face kissed the concrete and my teeth probably broken, my brain lift my left feet up and placed heavily on the floor and I was sprinting forward with my hand keep swinging like somebody was gasping hastily for air or digging some gold,and amazingly! I found my balance back and the feeling of you-are-going-to-tumble has gone!

But when hf fetched me home to get my car sending to the workshop, my car suddenly could start easily, the mechanics tried a few times and surprisingly everything was so dandy. I felt quite embarrassed since I didn’t want the mechanics to think that it was my fib after all. So I did pray really hard hoping that my engine couldn’t start again so that he could believe me. But luckily he gave some logical inference that it might due to the wire short circuit which I am already aware of, and again I am not familiar with car engine so cant give any comment.

Anyway, it wasn’t really a bad day la but I make it sounds like one since I always wish to not running into any unexpected occurrence, may it be nothing happens at all, since nothing means something good to me.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Are you ready to die now?

I attended a church mass in one of the ordinary Sunday evening and the priest shared to us how desolate his life is after his mum died. He said it was like you could never feel complete though you think you felt better each day. I was not his avid audience at most time, but he made me one that day. He said most of the people will probably claim that they arent fear of dying but certainly they are not ready to die now. Similar thing goes to me. I am not prepared and i just couldnt die in the next minutes.

I feel i am so close to death especially when my plane hit the turbulent in space. It was totally a helpless feeling that it makes your heartbeat ceased for seconds, and the only thing that i could do was holding tightly on crutches and sedately praying for thing to turn better, and of coz thinking of what should i tell my parents if i really had a plane crash. Iwish they could know how much I love them and I am not afraid at this moment. And hopefully they know I am now in a better place so don’t mourn for me. And at that moment when I was writing my manuscript, I found the reason why I am not ready to die. Probably because I love my old parents too much that making them sad were the last thing I want to see and I still wish to see their geriatric smiles with missing teeth one day. :'(

I wish to make this post longer as it is a very eccentric side of me to think of death over the years and to be frank, i never consider this thinking is malicious or horrendous at all since death is part of our life cycle. But somehow I have to scratch out some of the things that i wrote since my parents probably will read this and in great trauma by high chance.

So keep your diary or blog away from your parents if you still want to reserve some freedom of speaking.
Mum, I wish to write you something sweet for your mother’s day. But then, you are just too wonderful to be described in words. I am sure everyone would be jealous if I told them my mum used to write me 3 pages long mail when I was upset over the unrequited puppy love in my teen age. So happy mother’s day, mum. :)

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Years when i have you

Years ago.. me and xiao lei were chatting nonchalantly in the lab and you appeared at the doorway and walked into our lab. We heard there was a new girl reporting today but never expect you were as striking as the sharp red you wore. After work, I saw you sat at the lobby and you said you were waiting for your bf to pick you so I pull a seat beside you, which was something unusual for me. Normally I would just threw a smile without stopped by. And today, I am still glad for the brief stop by.

2005 we were clingy, me, xiao lei and you. Though after awhile, some of the new girls joined but 3 of us were still so clingy to each other. And of course, after years, we went seperated way. :'(

2009. You left.

Remember our first girl’s outing? And you were still in red.

2005 at secret recipe. Excuse me for the blurry pic as I couldnt find other pic that had me inside -_-

Still reminiscing over the 2005 memories, our first department team building at youth park. yang! you still look the same!!

And followed by your first birthday that i was honored to celebrate with you. TE and CM wasnt toegther that time but see how far they have come since then.......

And so does TE's look......-_-'''...and sh's too!

HEllo ah lei~~~~~I miss you!! muaks!!

Anyway, we shared our first cheek kiss that day, saying how much we appreciate each other’s friendship. If you werent so pretty, i guess I would suspect you as a lessbian but luckily you are pretty, so you apparently are not.
And this was captrured when you suddenly dropped by my cube in 2006, Look at your baby fat!

You get rid of your baby fat by 2006 year end dinner. I was having my depression in that short span and you gave me a nice hairdo though they were not visible from this pc. Luckily your hairdo wasnt alike your makeup skill. Anyway, dont worry. They did improve alot now. :)

When I bought this apartment, I never thought could stay so near to you. So I got my companion every morning and after work. We used to be like a pair of chopstick, coffee and sugar, bread and peanut butter, always can perfectly fit to each other. You see me fell in love and fell out from it again. You see me gaining every inch of fat under my chin, you see my pimples/acne grew after a night and subsided on the next day. You see the straight hair me and also the ugly curly hair of me.

I hate to say that regardless of how close we were , there were times where we were distanced from each other, and i have to admit that after all the clicks that we shared, we are still different at our kind. I would prefer to ignore the grudge that we had because what we shared is much more valuable than all the tears that shed.

Year 2007 started with a heartbreak farewell and I am really glad that you were there for me. Until today.

2007 january at bagan. We had our fine dining farewell for xiao lei.

And for some reasons, we didnt meet each other for months, at least not before may 2007. I guess that was time when chee wai came into your life and ruin our friendship, downgraded me from your priority list.

no la....I am still glad you found him. :p I really do!

And, 2008 year was fun for us. You were my bandmate. Remember those days when we hit the studio everyday just to get everyone familiar with the songs?


You were my sister in Christ. But of coz i was not as devoted as you.

And Guess what, we are from the same hometown! though you permanently moved to taiping at your preteen year.

You were my housemate. Who witnessed my tangled hair and drowsy eyes in the morning. Hopefully it doesnt scare you though :)


You were my hangout gang.


2008 year end clubbing where we danced the whole night off which marked as our last clubbing ever!

and memorable 2009 bali trip.....

You see me in my disposable underwear. I am not sure if i should post our photo where we were in towel during spa. What do you think? emm... it was just like a tube right?


You were the bride and I was your bride’s maid.(though the one you hold in your hand now was no longer the guy you waited in lobby -____-)
Have a safe journey to US, leng. You are truly missed.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Journey to bali

I can see that my Bali trip memory slowly decaying in me and now only I started to blog about it, seems like I am so lazy like that but I really am. I got so many things to do in the office ok? At least I need to keep updating photo and refreshing for more photo in facebook everyday. -_-

So here is the special entry for my bali trip, to tell you guys the truth, when i was in bali, I almost jot down all the expenses that I spent because all the gals were doing that so I just followed but of course I just simply scribbled on the paper and lost it when I get back to Malaysia. Maybe it was tucked inside a hidden corner of my luggage.@@

Here is our crew. Actually I never contributed anything to make this trip a success as I always tell my frens I am very busy :p so thankiu kar yee and kok mang who sacrificed lots of their time calling the driver, tons of mailbox spamming, journey route planning and blah blah.

Okla…before I get tiring thinking of those events to blog and left this entry empty again for my DVD, just like my redang trip last time. I better accelerate the impulsive me to finish this entry.
If you look at bali map, bali has a vast land and it is really impossible to cover all the north,sourth, east and west area. So it comes to the decision making now that you need to choose whether you are going for a leisure trip or popped every corner in your schedule. For people like ky who loves to calculate on all the nitty-gritty details( sorry la ky..this is one of your credit too!), our journey was kinda a hectic one. Anyway, we try to chop off some of the schedule like visiting this Pura(temple) and that pura since they all look the same, same mold and same stone craving.
I could feel the heat burning my outer skin layer upon reaching at denpazar airport. And that was not a good sign, as I hate a hot weather..( I hate cold weather too!). Anyway, I thought bali is a beach like redang but apparently I was wrong. It was like bukit bintang kind of place. I mean it is non like KL as Kl is a city but in kuta, it was just like bukit bintang! All the branded shops manuevered along the narrow road, the hotels, pubs, café, restaurant and of coz you can see lots of hot bikini chicks in bali!
Our first lunch!
To tell you the truth, the food that serves in poppy’s land here was really finger licking good~!! Especially the seafood bucket and the curried chicken rice! They were so cheap and so under cost!

Despite the heat that makes me doomed a bit, bali did strike a very good mark at my standard gauge.
Tanah Lot.
Tanah Lot again.

This is the infamous tanah lot but it didn’t attract me much except the cheap stuff that I could grab there. We hovered there for hours, shopping and sight seeing and still, nothing much that could catch my eyes. Anyway, I bought 2 tube dress at tanah lot coz everything was discount up to 90% after bargaining. The tube dress was like ~rm5, imagine!!

Dinner at Japanese restaurant in ubub, still it was so so so cheap!

I am not familiar with ubub but for those who are running out their idea, Dewa Bharata hotel is always an above average choice for you to lay your foot and again, so cheap!! ~RM130 per room some more the breakfast was included.
2nd day morning, we departed to pura empul( I might misspell it anyway..) which is the largest and oldest temple in bali, it was so so big like the whole genting I guess, need to give some example or else you guys cant imagine how big it is.
Pura Empul.
This white dress was the most expensive item I bought from bali, I must be spelled by some kind of woodoo as I look so obviously fat on it. But don’t care, at least I have to wear it once. My boobs looked extraordinary big wearing this dress but of coz it was just your illusion! :p This was made of wheat and rice...
...And also, this magnum opus was all from pig! See how fine the works were!
The pig "God" or what.
And Holy spring. A shopping heaven as well.
We picked the right day as there was a festival ongoing there and lots of fresh stuff to see. Anyway, I do think Balinese women's outfit are quite revealing as many of them are wearing bra or corsage and covered with transparent cardigan Or maybe they are just not that civilized yet like iban in Sarawak last time also bare their body and yet feeling so naturally fine. Gunung batur.The active volcano.
And by evening, we went to have our body massage and pampered in spa.
Me and leng shared the same spa room that exposed to a paddy field where we went naked and left only a disposable underwear. Anyway, leng did successfully convinced me to get undressed by pulling out the fact that she will be leaving soon, and I am her best galfriend and so on. it was so close to the nature that even you had to bath in front of the paddy field and there was a moment where a man chasing after his duck in the paddy field that just outside our spa room and not even care to look into the room. Hey, are you blind of what?? Cant you see there were 2 gorgeous lady resting inside the Jacuzzi???
And the dinner thrilled me as well, the best and cheapest pork rib and dirty duck. In the whole world. I mean The Whole World! 3rd day….nothing significant to remember except the bali guling that makes me jelak, and also abundant shopping.
And so fast, it was 4th day!( I simply skipped some detail coz my bed is alluring me there). The whole morning was wasted in Kuta beach.. I think it is wasted cause the sun scorched every inch of my skin la and I swear I did get darker after jumping up and down on beach to capture the best leaping shot though I was wearing a jacket and carried the umbrella which everyone thought I would get fever after then. So stupid.-____-
Look at me! I was too heavy to jump!
And not forgetting, ulu watu in the evening though we were so worn out to proceed on watching the "cicak" dance(misspelled again...-_-). Afterall, I really hate cicak soI will reject everything that share the similar name with it.
Ulu watu.
And also, the monument for the victim on the previous Bali’s bombing. And not forgetting the last bali massage and spa at night, so cheap! Where can you find ~rm50 for 2.5 hours service in Malaysia here, no way!
If you dont know this is a monument.
Ciao on 5th day! Whoever read this, please bare in mind that don’t ever ever go to bali if you are couple! I just knew that there is a say that ALL the couple would break up after their bali trip. So if you have already bought any bali ticket, burn it or break up first before your trip and patch back later.