Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I need to think of something else. I need to start to plan, to think of the future. This has become a chronic sickness of me that whenever i am statued, my mind will mooch around finding business to stow into it, anyway, to think positively..my memory would never ebb away and I can always remember who owe me money..wakaka
nothing to blog. :(
i love durian. Durian is good. And dont buy those branded one...the kampung durian can taste so good and yet so so cheap!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
A big plan requires a big capital. Since this engine had been accelerated, so I just need to keep the plan going. But the only sacrifice is, I need to start saving as much money as possible. No further time to delay though thank God that I practice an irregularly saving habit all this while since my mum keep nagging and making noise at my ear if I don’t. So what changed tremendously now is, I pushed myself to be very calculative. I started to count on every penny and make sure they are well spent albeit I am still so tempted to buy new clothes and easily allured by good food. But at least I need to restrict myself from having expensive food, at least just have it once a month. Else, I guess I would feel grumpy and sulk my face the whole day, not that I am blaming anyone but I just need to have self control. Can I live without nice cloth? Ya ya, I can! Can I live without having secret recipe chocolate indulgence? Ya, I can!! Can I live without mizi café super nice mushroom soup! I can I can!! So the best way to save is cooking my own meal from this moment on. I have been doing it for a week now, I really hope that I wouldn’t concede so easily and relented to the temptation again. But anyway, don’t be afraid that I would stop joining any outing! I am not ready to transform myself into an anti social freak else I would surely be a very lonely wretch who doesn’t have anything except 2 old parents and copious of debt!! X_X .
I am not sure how I hurt my leg and not even sure if I sprained it or I am really so unfortunate to get rheumatalgia in such an early age, but my right feet was aching for months and it get worsen and swollen a bit these days especially at night. But I treat this as a blessing in disguise since it restrain me from simply walk around and spend money. XD
This is my smelly feet. Ignore the ugly scar! I got it on one accident when I was 13 and fell down in attempting to do a stupid stunt.
So this is my lunch. My taste buds is craving for curry today and since I have the ingredient ready, thus I just need to get my butt off from being the couch potato and get my stomach pampered. This is such a monotonous weekend but i do enjoy this feeling of staying idly at home.
Damn..I hate monday..:S
I remembered how you carried me on your yamaha bike when i was so little, dropped my sandal when i dozed off behind you and I looked at the grey smoke dissolve into air when you purposely made a turning back to find the lost pair of sandal. Then it made me felt miserably bad.
I remember I cuddled on your shoulder when we walked in pasar malam with the rest of the family and I can smell your hair cream, it was clean and fresh. I remember you didnt spend much time with us after you moved to neighbor town to find other means of livelihood and only managed to come back occasionally on weekends, and we were sending you off by the doorway seeing you riding on that yamaha bike, waving and shouting you good bye. Mum closed the gate after you disappear from our eyesight into the sunset evenings, she turned to us and said.."now left us again..". I couldnt understand the look in her eyes, but being a very mature lady since young, I sort of understand this is all about the living.
you never grow extra inch of fresh under your skin not because you purposely keeping the figure, but most of the time, you only gulped your rice or the unfavorable dish, and let us had more on the scanty amount of nicer dish.
I forgot, when was the time you became easily hot temper and I am not used to it anymore. So we fought. and after the damaged was caused, I realize that shouldnt be happened at all.
I wish i never let you down but i knew I did. And I am truly sorry because after all, you are still indeed a very great father.
I hope you dont have to worry too much on us because we eventually will do fine and please enjoy your life because you deserve one. :)
happy father's day papa
Saturday, June 20, 2009
This had been a fretful week. Nothing much accomplished and yet, problems remains without solution. Sometimes I have a feeling that I get too involved in things that I shouldn’t be worried at all, especially if it was not my problem but I know I put responsibility too close to my heart that I lost my mind to gouge my conscience. And I was panicking for things that I am not familiar. I know many things in our life are just the temporarily trials, but might change us for the rest of the life. And there are times you can’t expect people to think as much as you have thought and if they lose control, silence is always the severest rebuke that you can give to those who sinned their lips against you. Don’t let their word has the power to lit on the fire in your heart because things will slowly be reconciled when time tickles by. Dear diary, I know how this should be done but sometimes I became weak and fragile that I give in to the trials and burn myself.:(
Recently, I had lots of dreams in my sleep that I dream of so many faces that I don’t talk to them anymore, purposely. That I don’t wish to let them be the one that closes to me and would effortlessly hurt me again. When I woke up and thinking back of those segmented picture in my dream, I realize that was how I always think about them treating me and it made me shivered to the core. I thought I was forgiving but I realized I was just burying them away to avoid myself from seeing them. Like I always sweep all the stuff into my desk since young and fibbed myself that the house is clean. So I intentionally keep a distance with those people in my list and hopefully everything will be amended when I see them again. But maybe I was just too tired for being the true me.
Dear diary, It is indeed a bad feeling when you woke up in the morning and feeling lost with the thinking that you no longer know what you really good at anymore :( I used to know but not anymore. What have lost in the journey, i shouldnt look back and fumbled over the place, wishing to put them back in place again. I am tired today that i couldnt find many people to talk to except you. I hate to admit that i tried to whine and whine to some of my close pals but I was mocked after then. And it made me felt worst.
Dear diary, when i came back to you again. I wish to draw a rainbow and beautified you with that 7 colors because i just pour a rain on you today. I hope you dont mind.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Things haven't gone so well, i can feel myself is growing up in a night. Seeing lots of sulking face since some of the people loves to incessantly show me how bad they feel or how angry they are...I wonder why. But yeah, i would feel worse if it was the old me, but now.....i just have to shrug my shoulder and whistle away nonchalantly.
Thanks to those who knows me and making me believe that tomorrow will be better.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
What am I busy at for the whole weekend? Guess what, I am so motherly sewing my clothes at home! I think I sew 10++ pieces of clothes which I didn’t wear for ages and left in my wardrobe to collect dust, I can say that all of them have some flaws because they doesn’t look good on me, don’t ask me why I bought them last time, I really don’t understand it either. So I stitched the cloth that I think is revealing, put on the loosen button, modifying the blouse to be the skirt, cutting off the long sleeve.. I wish I have a sewing machine today.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
But luckily my gang was unaware of the peril and excited when I volunteer to cook. Hahaha, so cute!! Anyway, I got to clutter my kitchen again and that was fun :D I have suggested to make thejapanese dinner which is something I am more confident at since the unagi and miso soup were already in ready packet, I just need to figure out how to cook my pork mayonnaise, cabbage would just cook with normal recipe since I do not know other cooking way either:p
It was quite an entertaining moment preparing the dinner with your friends which in fact I seldom did that in my uni time. I cooked with my housemate before but in countable time .Now I miss the time when i had all the girl-friends around me and wishing I could have spent more time with them instead of my first ex who was given me nothing but nightmare * guilty :(*. And now everyone was drifting apart, and not seeing each other for years, and I only kept in touched with my sis and jen, So the chance of cooking together under one kitchen would be slim. Very very slim…nearly zero. *emo :(*
I am off topic again. Mang and ky were protesting when I chased them out from the kitchen after they helped me with the preparation, but i really stressed up when somebody was standing beside me and makes me feel like they were inspecting me. And I only give the pass to my mum since she always know how to guide me and believe it or not, I am very easily to panic especially when the garlic or onion burn a bit, or i pour the soya sauce too much or what. Not that i am selfish to share the recipe k? T_________T but it was really a chaos Anyway, the pork mayo took me 45 mins to serve since the meat was kinda hard so i simmer it gently for sometimes, and hopefully it get soften after awhile but it doesn’t, so we concluded the reason was because it was lean meat and no matter how long you cook, it will still be a tad hard. Luckily it wasn’t taste so bad at all coz nobody was puking inside the toilet bowl. :p
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I am not sure what kept me , but I always deprived of time to do something that I really want to do for some times, perhaps a few days ago like updating my blog( 2 days due now), replying emails!!!! ( oh no..!! randy’s email, Cynthia and lilian’s and my cousin!!) and my father’s father’s day card..*adelene, you are guilty!!* I know I was not being such a responsible and loyal friend before since I kept delaying the emails..:( But I wasn’t really in good shape yet, where I found myself so much in fatigue when I reached home everyday… always have something that I should do but just forgot and then rushed for it at the last minutes… work! Yeah…works that I want to pick up, there are so many things that new to me but have to pretend that I know and check it back later( I am such a lame person!!)
And now I even snatched my 5 min lunch time to blog this out and the rest of 55 min of lunch hour was wasted in gossiping probably or loafing around or examine my pimples in my cube! Please forgive me if you have a overdue reply from me( you know who you are! ) I will try to reply as soon as possible. It doesn’t mean I have forgotten..but I just been very very down mood and don’t feel like doing anything that makes myself a tad useful to the society( sounded like a crime…..I am such a slothful person!)
Tomolo I will change!*very determined XD*
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Last night the moon was so round and bright and this was the first photo i took with them since they came to penang this time. I just realized my dad has a tummy too! and check out their smile, they are good! :)
By midnight, I woke up by a nightmare with my heart beating fast, but the glad thing was I could sms to my mum and asked her to come over and sleep with me. :( I wasnt always a whiny girl,ok! * sobsob*. But I was truly intimidated by the dream. :(
take care pa ma!Be seeing you!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
今晚，好想念我的床，好想念泳池的潺潺流水声，想念那小小的空间。或许没人可以了解放弃那间小楼房对我的意义有多大。:'( 没想到自己与他的缘分真的这么薄浅。以后会怎样？？ 我不敢去想。:( :(
今天， 好闷。。 不懂是自己内心的搔闷， 还是外面的太阳。。
Friday, June 5, 2009
I was contemplate to blog this out since I found it quite funny..:p * I am very syok sendiri* albeit it is not a funny thing at all!! That was a very irritating incident that happened on me yesterday and the irritating scene continue playing until this morning. My col, Jimmy said he loves to hear gossip but I guess he didnt enjoy listening at all and to clear the tense ambiance, he cracked a joke and laugh himself there, me and kar yee was like -_-|||..and that was funny! Haha..! thanks pal! You simply dispel the moody cloud above my head!!
Anyway, I am not sure if he would read this one day, but hopefully not today or this week, nor even next week cause I am going to write more posts and make this page overflow and people wont read my outmoded post anymore!*evil grin^^*But I doubt if he read, since he doesn’t have any facebook or Friendster account. I know I am chicken out thinking of he might read this, might read this…but if I am going to write then I should bear the consequences right? *can I don’t?? sobsob*.Anyway, I experienced his extremely hot temper for 4 years and knowing that he would probably send nasty sms to my inbox again. So hopefully he wont read this!! * very coward*
This nasty sms sender was my first bf. Everything started when I out of sudden remembered his birthday on 31th of May so I just simply dropped a sms wishing him a happy birthday but maybe I didn’t regard him like I used to do, so I just wrote something like “ hey, happy birthday!” I thought it sound like a standard greeting format(no??) but then he replied “what hey, thanks to your greeting anyway. Take care”. Sound mean right? Though it ended up with a slightly placid tone * I imagined his tone myself*. Hence I just ignored his sms and yesterday, he suddenly out of no reason sms to me and asked me why I dropped him the birthday greeting on his birthday (after 4 days). So I told him frankly that simply because I remembered. And that was when the nightmare ensue, he started to talk nonsense and kept sending 20-30 sms after my first replied, most of them was blaming me for forgetting the memories, some was saying how miserable he is to adapt the new work and with his gf, some was repenting on how sorry he was last time, how regret he is now, make sure i came to his funeral and let him see me…and the last few one was scolding me for not replying him. I did glance them all and laughed and tap away my laptop again.
And this morning when I woke up, I noticed another sms from him asking me why no response, so again I ignored and ready to drive off for work since shun the greenlane Jam has higher priority. But I guess my ignorance made him pissed off so again he asked if he was bothering me, so I replied a yes though I knew damn well that this answer would make him went berserk but on the other hand, I wish to make him realize that he was extremely annoying. And expectantly, he was very mad and another 20-30 sms again, but this time merely was scolding me and telling me how loving he and his gf right now. I guess he was trying to provoke me coz after he didn’t receive anything from me again, he started to say “ this is my last message and blah blah…” and after a few min, another sms again:S At last, he was tired and left my inbox in peace.Alleluia!!
What a morning-____-.. but my fren was right, don’t get affected by this sms since it was undeserving at all. So I pressed “ delete all” and resume my day like he never exist before. But I wonder why I fall to such a person last time? I must be more than just blind!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Gama??? !!?? surprised to realise that Gama is like a wondrous store selling stuff which you couldnt find in other hypermarket, i even can find a pothook that i nearly gave up from searching it. So finally i ended up hovering at Gama for at least 2 -3 hours snooping for great stuff.
and this "welcome home" signboard. I couldnt believe i was Swishing my credit card like a phlegmatic machine. haha..so happy! swash swash wash wash wash my money away....!!!Basically, I just want to buy the whole store!! all the display painting, the flowery cushion, plates, cups....everything!
Monday, June 1, 2009
I bought this little flower nail deco sticker and primped on the backside of my SE. I love small flower, i dont know why.. I am obsessed on stuff with small flowers.
And I have my T42 finally refreshed! cant believe i get so many new gadgets in a week time. I never been a good luck sided person, but that definitely was one of my lucky week. *sobsob*
Oneday I cockily swing my handphone in front of my friend and told him proudly that i am now qualified as a pretty girl since i have my pretty handphone and new laptop, unhesitantly he nodded in relief and said" luckily you have them now..else.....".
what does that mean???!!!-________-