Friday, October 30, 2009

Life isnt a nice-wrapped box of chocolate

I am not sure why i decided to use this title but today i do feel that life isnt just a box of nicely wrapped chocolate as I am utterly fraught by the mixed feeling and a pang of hopelessness that slunk out and paralyzed me with terror. Somehow it is ironically true that the only 2 things a human couldn’t control are the living and the death. There is a hearsay which sounds like we can discreetly plan for the future, can even plan for what life we want to live but we couldnt plan for our death...

I am slowly loosing all the pieces in me that i barely can hold them back together again. What is more cynical to see a new life that is born and also hearing appalled news that a close relative of mine had passed away within the same day? A new hope that blooms in a family and another hope had finally lit to its end?

What is the most blissful thing seeing the little baby cuddle in his mother arms, sometimes squirming uncomfortably and sleep peacefully with their angelic face? They said baby’s world is in black and white and only sensitive to lights, but little does he know when he finally see the colorful world and starts to love things that he see and touch, what's awaiting him will be cruelty and dismal? He might run into snag, fraught with suffocated expectation from parents and society, parents might not wish him to be only a healthy boy but also smart in studies, good in academic, strikes As and good pay… And by the end of the day, what left will only be soil and a puff of dust? I couldnt help but to feel sad for how helpless and vulnerable we are to control our lives..Life could be short but at least a promising happy journey...isnt it?

I receive the bad news from my mum when I was in the hair saloon and after I was done with the hairdo, me and kh saw a old man walked towards us with his feeble arms wrapped around his skinny body in the bleak night wind, I recognized him as I met him this afternoon by sheer chance when I was on my way to visit a friend's new born baby. The thing on him that caught my eyes was the green plastic bag that he tied on his left feet and another red plastic bag on the right. It was a heartrendingly painful sight and a rush of sympathy augmented in me...So when i met him again outside the saloon, barefooted this time, I swiftly urged kh to find some shoes that can give away to the old man, but we couldnt find any except a sandal of mine which totally unfit to his size and kh's favorite and the only sandal...With our sight following the lonely and shabby figure, we saw a family who has their car parked outside a restaurant and ready to dine in, suddenly ceased their step, the uncle deliberately waited for awhile for the old man to trudge passed him in his wobbly steps, open his wallet and plop some money into the wrinkle hand without any plead from him. Seeing the tenacity and sympathy in my eyes, kh drove forward, wind down his window and handed over his only sandal..for a moment, my nose tickled and a veil of thick mist shrouded my eyes...the thankfulness is beyond any words and for a second in my life, i am grateful for having this man who put my happiness above himself.

I am not sure if the old man is half-witted but i do believe he deserves a life like everyone of us. A sandal might only be a meager help from us, but it means a world to him. No matter where he wants to go, at least I know he could be safe without barefoot.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Pick me up

Believe it or not, the last time I finished reading an English book was back in my Secondary school years. Not to include some Chinese novel or magazine, the fact is I am the prodigy in reading English novel very slow or swoon off effectively on bed after flipping a few pages, and sometimes i just feel prickles of guilt jabbing me when i were to read on something that I knew might take forever to finish, and i couldn’t help but to think it is better to spend time reading intel spec or manual than fiction story that invigorate my already-strong-imagination.

But those record of which and which that i didnt read book after secondary school or never finish reading a book were all now an history.;)

Finally! I finished a book after 2 months! and it is really a BIG thing! The satisfaction is ever more than finally drinking 8 cups of water per day! ( I never drink 8 cups before..NEVER!) but it is ok...I have some better achievement now! ha!*snob*

Here is the lucky one!..lucky as in i took a decade to finish reading a book and it definitely can sustain me for another decade before i finish the second one. T______T

Book can be addictful like movie but the difference is they make you look a tad smarter *wink*

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

New stimulus to inspire me

It is the loosing of idea that fidgeting me. I think it finally caught me off guard that i was hit by a dart of dread that no longer know what should I blog anymore. I remember the passion of writing was intense way back in years and how it appeased me every time i channel all the angst, dismal, frustration, complaints, all those negative elements that portray the real inner side of me from here. Anyway, this fact is still preserved but I just felt maybe I could have a different life if I dont blog anymore. I would still be the Masked Adelene, the gleeful and bubbly adelene in public which is a real me but another side of me is yielding for most of the pessimistic element that hunt down the positive side of me.
But this is just the medium to channel the emotion and it harms me zilch at all. The fact that I was thinking all these was all started from a conversation with a friend, he pings me today and said why my blog sounded sad and I blurred for a second which in fact i never thought I sounded sad at all. Perhaps my emotion is as bad as my memories that they never stayed long enough to make me remember, but i must clarify that having a pensive thought doesn’t mean I am sad or down, and of coz giving an indelible impression that this blog is merely for grumbling is the last thing i want to do.

still......i am living in the most prosaic life ever! and i dont even have a shit to blog.

but kh was so good to assuage me that i dont have to write something special. Sometimes i can just ENLARGE something small and make it BIG. *touched*

does it work? Emm...anyway, I always feel indifference towards those trivial stuff happens in a day and thrash them away but how if I have 200 days in a years that everything is seemingly insignificant to me as i can foresee that my dreary life will just go on like that until i step one feet into my coffin and still feeling nothing special to blog about my death. Then i might probably can shoot myself die now since i am a human with no hobby and no interest. T_______T

Ok, i think I found one. *snob* Today i have 2 teammates who celebrated their birthday together with my manager whose birthday already passed for a week and i dont remember it anymore. To look like a good teammate, I together with the rest of my team member bought them lunch at double good that ended up my stomach was clenched after that as i gulped in too fast and everything seems tasteless to me including my favorite Indon curry prawn which initially planned to eat 3 but ended up 2:’( But the swelling pain subsided on evening miraculously and I craved for burger but it starts to pour drizzly which is still ok since no abdominal pain is good enough:). So together we went to buy the nicest burger ever in Penang town nearby Cititel hotel and started to find something to pass the time like choosing a name for ky's baby. I bet the baby is a gal though the gender is still left unknown as her baby is so witty to cover up her( i assume she is a girl again) private part when doctor trying to peep and snoop to see if she ( i assume again) is a girl or boy.

And finally we came out with a list of girls name like.......audrey( my sister name), olivia, cynthia, sylvia, sharon, shannon, carmen, michelle and hiouiop[ipoueijapdjda......

anyway..i am sure she would make a pretty little girl as everyone is anticipating for her coming even before she knows she is going to be born. Lucky girl isnt she?:)

Monday, October 26, 2009

Still young

There is a must to wrap up all the segments that scattered around for the past 2 weeks. I didnt blog for the 2 long weeks and i can see my blog is nearly turned to the tarnished rust..dreary dreary dreary.. i told my friends i lost that touch of blogging and the enthusiasm wilted and relinquished plaintively when you lost yourself and eventually a life and all you know is work work and work. Somehow i am intimidated by the truth that this is my life, and this is all I will have to live for the rest of 30-40 years. Do I want to??no! i am not willing to die just like this. There are still so much to do and just like my friends ask me, when do you want to tie a knot? no! i am still so young..I mean yes, of coz I would like to doll up myself in white princess liked gown walking down the aisle but the fact is, I haven’t enjoyed my single and uncommitted life to the fullest, i dont mean i want to have all the unnecessary flings but at least, i am not ready to change my status, yet.
Talk about the weeks I disappear from my blog. I was wading for days in a pool of request and supports and wilted in pressure cooker but i know works eventually can be done..sounds so nonchalant, right? They are only works but when it took away most of my times then that is a big deal. And when everything finally laid back a bit, there comes kh's and brady was excitedly wanted to use the birthday as an excuse to go loosen ourself in pub, but guys acted like they have lived long enough for that and only wish to sit down and sip their fruit juice. SIGH! I still have 3 years to my 30 and we are definitely not old at all..right?swallowing a big lump in my throat, i suddenly appalled by the small alarming voice that nagged in me, am I the only one who is so oblivious to the fact that 27 means old?
I wonder why am I always like the 6th finger who is so left out and disjointed from the reality?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

An old story

I am contemplating to blog this out but usually if you take too much time musing over some decision, you will most likely end up by not doing it at all.

I read a friend’s blog today on how she get drunk on her birthday( in case you were reading this, please don’t mind!) and so I dropped her a comment which sound like everyone has their very personal and gauche moments on getting drunk on their birthday party, I was not attempting to comfort her but simply because it happened on me before. I lied prone on my bed after close up the firefox tab and hibernated my pc. My body is exhausted but my mind had myriad of pensive thoughts whirling around.. I toss and turn for 5-10 minutes before I sat up and put my laptop into alive again. I know this is going to be a sleepless night but as a matter of ironical fact, I missed the birthday party I had 4 years ago. Something close to the friend’s broken heart, birthday party, drunk and felt extremely embarrassed on the next days after bungled up my party and made a total fool on my birthday eve. But now when I reminiscing back the time, I was swamped by lots of nostalgic detail and missing so dearly and deadly on all the faces who witness the first day of my 24th. Where were them now? Some left and mostly saunter a new life, which is good. Good thing doesn’t fall on you everyday like lottery, and you were lucky if it happened on you, even if it only happens ONCE.

Playing in my head is “is it over now” from Tanya.

I was 23 going to 24 that year when I joined Intel, like most of the fresh graduated trainee coming from various Universities, we were all young, feisty and had infinite energy to exert wantonly, and didn’t see life coming to us with a bundle of pitfall. A week before my birthtday, CM, one of my jimui took up the responsibility as the organizer and planned to throw me an unforgettable birthday party at KL.

On that Saturday, around 15 of us in 3 cars drove down to KL and upon checking into the hotel, we swiftly dolling up in our best outfit and headed off to a pub near bukit bintang. The first club wasn’t fun at all as the music played were in super slow mantra so we adjoined to another club called thai beach club and the band was really good. After throwing in a few cups, we started to loosen up and couldn’t resist but to join the crazy crowd, the live band was playing “its my life” enliven the whole dance floor and everyone is swinging and throwing their hand to the air, enjoying every bits of moment of jumping, shouting and dancing together…and I was happy. But I missed somebody. I never had my birthday without him before ( not counting the years when I was still on my diapers or with my parents oppressive supervision..even one fly also will die in 3 feet distance -_-|||) So in short, that was the first year he didn’t celebrate with me. Sometimes the loneliness will become more intense and apparent when we were in a crowd with all the faces but none of them was the one you wanted to see.

And by 12, I received his message “ happy birthday jia”, My nose started to tickle under the sweaty heat in pub but I hold on..I smile and laughed, hugged and kissed my friends for they were thoughtful to be there for me on that day. Suddenly Kian kok came to me and pull me out from the crowd..and there in front of me, I saw my buddy daniel in a banquet of roses. Daniel lied to me that his grandfather was admitted to the hostpital and he couldn’t make it to KL with us and it thwarted me a bit as I thought as a buddy he should be there for me on my day. I was really touched to see him as I knew he must have had a bumpy journey bussing from penang to KL where as we were comfortably sit in car, but then I started to cry…I started to cry so badly that i perched on the couch with KK pulled a seat beside me and saying lots of words to comfort me though I couldn’t recall any single wise words he said -_-, I just coulnt stop myself from crying and repeatedly playing the voicemail that I kept for a year-_-..And for a moment, I stopped and laughed…and throwing in a few cups and started to cry again..everything was vague to me but I could hear a lot of people trying to comfort me but like before, I couldn’t remember a thing. I vaguely knowing that a few girls hugged and patted on my back and wipe off my tears…but I couldn’t remember much as my eyes was swollen and I started to puke. I totally lost that piece of memories but I remember somebody come up to me and tell me he loves! confession to a drunk people is simply brilliant as they probably forgot on the next day but too bad, I forgot everything but THAT, pathetically it engraved in my mind.

On my way back to penang from KL, I stared out to the green sight along the roadside and made the pledge that, it is time to let him go, so I press delete on the only voicemail. 2 months after my birthday party, I met a guy and crazily fell in love like before again but it seemingly a betray to some of them perhaps I needed to tell them I wanted to open my heart again as they saw me crying badly at first..….but miracle happens sometimes when you love in the next moment doesn’t mean you never love before. And both loves are real but they just make you felt differently that is all.

Although until today I wish I never meet that second guy before, I die die crossed my heart but in second thought…I should still thank him, without him, I wouldn’t be the one I am today, Stronger and tougher.

In retrospect to the old memories, I was really blessed and still feeling so blessed now with all the faces who wanted to make me happy albeit I wasn’t a really good and ideal friends to everyone after then since I wasn’t a social butterfly after all-______-. But that piece of short clip of memories etched firmly in my memories.

A good 24 indeed with laughter and tears, nothing could be better:)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Sushi King's card bonanza

Our kiasu-ness was explicitly shown on this RM2 card bonanza offered by sushi king. The queue was long and tiring as usual but the long waiting hour paid well when we managed to seize a nice and super strategic seat which was right in front the kaiten belt, apparently Sushi king's service is much better than sakae sushi as the amicable waiters were assidously help us in refilling tea and collecting our plate.

I thought we would break the record like having 50-60 colors plates but we only manage to sweep off 28 plates.:(

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Wake up on Shangri-La's morning breakfast

One thing good about Shangri-la hotel comparing to Sheraton Imperial hotel is its free internet service. I was told that Sheraton charged RM30 for an hour net surfing as well as the subsequent hour. @____@ not to mention on using the room phone, it charged RM100++ merely calling for half an hour. I am going down to survey the surrounding in a minute, meanwhile, here is my breakfast of the day.

New york style bagel with athlantic Salmon served with cream cheese and horseradish that irritates the taste buds, as the food is pricy so I dont order any drinks but Shangri-la is very kind to give a free nicely squashed grape juice.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Mid Autumn festival, 09

Happy mid-Autumn festival!

Woke up this morning with drowsy eyes rushing to Dental surgery clinic nearby Greenlane to fill up a few holes on my teeth. The process was too brisk that you didn't have time to feel the pain, but i was very nervous and kept reminding the poor dentist to be gentle. As the bill had exceeded intel subsidy thus i only manage to patch 3 holes and skip washing my teeth this time.

Then kh fetched me to market to buy the japanese dumpling ingredient aka gyoza for our dinner today. The ingredient is quite cheap and the process is easy peasy,but it is pricy if you buy from outside.

The pleat is not nice though..but well,this is my first trial =3= (*lame excuse)

dipped it with the gyoza sauce.

Honestly i am quite satisfied with my first time gyoza making which I always thought it would be tedious to make myself but surprisingly it is cheap and easy compare to the chinese dumpling where I should learn from my mum as my parents's home make dumpling was incredibly tasty. i miss home today(*emo)

Here are the ingredients that i used though i skip a few like cabbage, onion and garlic.

Gyoza filling Ingredient:

1. RM3 minced meat
2. gyoza skin from jusco-RM1.6
3. grated ginger
4. chives
5. 1 tsp sugar
6. 1 pinch of salt and pepper
7. 2 tsp soysauce
8. 1 tsp flour
9. 1 tsp sesame oil
10. 1/2 vinegar

Gyoza sauce
1. Sliced ginger
2. vinegar
3. soysauce

Misc ingredient:
1. egg white
2. chicken stock

1. Mingle all the gyoza filling in a bowl and mix them well.
2.Put the filling on the gyoza skin and spread the egg white at the edge of the skin to seal it
3. Wrapped and fold the edge slowly.
4. Spread some oil on the pan and heat it
5. place the gyoza on the pan
6. Pour the hot water onto chicken stock and stir them well
7. Throw the chicken stock soup into the heating pan
( The water should cover half of the gyoza height )
8. Cover the pan and turn to mid fire until the water vaporized.
9. sprinkle the sesame oil on the gyoza and pan
10. Let it fry until the botton turn brownish and serve.

Never been bad

Today is just one of those ordinary night that burning the midnight oil, submerged in a pool of incompleted workloads made me feel nothing but unsubtle weariness and slowly numbness, which is apparent since now is almost 2am.

I used to think it is the most prosaic or pedestrian kind of life to work round the clock, Especially if I had to incessantly rushing to meet the deadline for weeks, sulking of how colorless/dull/mundane/monotonous(whatever that you can call it) my life could be but i didnt plot nuggets of complaints this time. Since when i start to enjoy this seemingly hackneyed flow of life? wake up, off to work, come back after dusk, open again. It would be fun to party over night or having drama marathon and watch like nobody business.. But somehow the idea of hangover on the next day or the drama addiction makes you oblivious over things arent that endearing at all. Despite musing with the question should i spend my weekend on work or spending quality time on things i cant do on weekdays (like blogging) , I think i do like what i am doing right now. And I gradually want myself to fit into it. It isnt that i only love when things are far from hurdle, though it partially true. But the element that shove me out from anxiety is, i start believing the miracle does happen on a irreversibly bad luck person like me. I never doubt my luck, which never close to good and i could spend a few days to list them out. But recently my friend who claims that good luck never sided him, like me, started to work with me and it turns out that we both can miraculously generate some chemistry effect and obtain what we want seamlessly, so perhaps the theory of negative + negative = positive does apply on us.:p

I looked out to a vast city view from my balcony and astonished by how dazzling the lights from each tenement and houses are.There are just too many things in this world that could happen tonight..even if you are staying in such a big city and having an extensive people the end of the day, you still have to go back to where you belong and feeling lonely. And when this thought harboured me,i wish i could appreciate more of what i had right now, at least i am not feeling a single bit of loneliness, at least there is another sound nearby, at least i have more things than i could ever imagine though i often treat them with least in life without works involve, I dont need another person to make my luck "positive".

Thursday, October 1, 2009